run your own race

its very early but I had to make this post..I want to start off by saying dont feel any sort of way if you see someone doing what they intended to do with their..if you see them gaining what appears to be success or if they are happy with whats happening…do not feel a way because honestly thats not making your situation any better..earlier today I was surfing the web and found myself looking at an old friend and this particular friend of mine was very close to me at one point..but unfortunately I had to cut the strings on that situation because i felt it wasnt helping my situation at that time..so technically you can say i was being nosey [haha] but none the least I wanted to see how this person was doing..and honestly it seemed like they were doing big things and getting their feet wet in the field that they desired too for some time which was great!..but I noticed that while i was looking at how far theyve come..i caught myself feeling a certain way. Now i was not hating..I was comparing my old friends situation to my own..I wasnt where I wanted to be in life and they were. I failed to realize that it was my own fault and watching someone else live their dream had me in a way with myself.. when i realized that I was feeling a way i said to myself STOP because i wasnt doing anything except wasting time and not solving my solution. even though i was happy for that person..i wasnt happy for myself and that wasnt right. I found myself looking at what i dont have versus what i do have!…I am doing well for myself and should appreciate it. in this economy times are hard and honestly i have it good..I cant complain but there are other things i want to achieve that i witnessed someone else achieve and that made me upset that i couldnt say i did it aswell..that i couldnt bring myself in that direction but under the radar..i did bring myself there. I guess the point that im trying to make to you..learn to run your own race..dont compare yourself to others..dont live your life according to someone elses prospects..because once you start doing that you find yourself..with many terrible attributes like doubt, sadness, low self-esteem, jealousy, confusion, and negativity of all types. it’s not fair to yourself for you to fall down those bottomless pits of unjust! when I found myself comparing and just having a down state of mind i was not giving myself enough credit!..we must remember to always appreciate what we have and where we are in life..and yes those times of feeling that we should be farther in life does come out..when your inner go getter comes out to play..thats when you put on your Prada boots and walk the good mile and chase your dreams until you can live it!….honestly ppl dont waste your time upset or feeling a way because you stopped by your friend home and see their new flashy car, new hot banging spouse, new job promotion, new baby, profession, looks, lifestyle…stop comparing your situation to others because only one person doesnt grow from the situation and im sure we all know who that is!..so please do right and run your own race!

 

Take Care =)

yeah….just imagine

Its been about two weeks since he has been living with me. I am not going to lie there has been some moments where I wish he never came but all in all I am so appreciative of his presence. It’s just that im still hurting from the past. Im hurting from the absence, the discouragement, the doubt, the negativity, and the emotional let down that I had to experience while knowing him. I have been trying to ‘get over it’ or some would say ‘letting it go’ because I dont have the power to change the past..even though I have googled it a couple of times [he he] Okay but the point im trying to make in this post is that I realized that you can look up to someone and idolize them completely but that doesnt mean they will 1oo% support you, understand you, or value your creativity for what it is in the same fashion…well atleast I can say that I realized first hand that in life you cant expect people to do that because if you do..well um you’ll be digging a hole to china!..we must not live for others and we must not expect others to live our dreams with us. Now earlier last week he came downstairs with one of my paintings in his hand that he saw for the first time and said “WOW you are really talented man!…imagine if you kept at your craft..imagine where you would be now?? This is really good stuff” Now you would think that I would be happy to hear a compliment like that and especially from him but to be honest it broke my spirit..because all my life thats what I wanted to hear..I wanted him to be involved (not just there but to genuinely want himself to be involved too) I needed his approval, I longed his interest & support hoping that one day he would come along and say “hey keep up the good work” and mean it!…so when i heard him say what he had just said..it didnt hit home for me..because I felt like “why the hell are you telling me this NOW!!?!?”  my entire childhood I was forced to hide my interest from you!..you didnt care to help me reach my full potential..I decided it was best for me to read magazines in solitude because I didnt want to be ridiculed by you or anyone else, keeping artwork stashed away because they were not important to you…so in order to keep my relationship with you I had to train myself to become a different person around you..someone who liked everything you did..since being myself was not going to work..so when he stood there the other day and said “good job”.. I sat there and thought of all the pain and disappointment and I didnt even believe him this time around because all this time he portrayed a disinterest in my passion and time lead me to close that casket in trying to wait for him to come around. Im assuming he felt guilty over the years or was able to sense that I was sad and is now trying to mend things  secretly in my heart and right now in my life I am still hurt so when he said it…i just glanced over in his direction and said “yeah….just imagine” even now im sitting here and im just hurting inside…To believe I was actually down because MY passion…wasnt good enough for him..but hey its my fault…I was the one who was trying to make him understand…I failed to realize that in life you need to just live your life and run your own race…I was too busy trying to have him root for me! But luckily for me I am slowly trying to fix and change my attitude toward that situation..im just not trying to let my past…control me or bring me down..I have BIG dreams and dont need someone elses negative opinion in regards to my lifestyle choices to distract me or dismantle my foundation…I am taking baby steps now in my life to better me…steps like loving and believing in myself more and not to search for others approval or support..even though those are highly appreciated. I want to reach a point in my life where I can move forward positively without needing Bobs opinion or to care what Jane has to say…so to my readers out there…just remember to run your own race & have faith..because living for others wont do anything else waste time!

Take Care =)

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